I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
