Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize