He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
