The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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