someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
