The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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