i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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