Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
sarcasm needs its own font
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
