That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
