We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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