you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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