I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
