dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
