My Higher Power is John Stamos
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
