Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
