Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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