Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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