Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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