watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize