There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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