Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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