I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
