she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
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