dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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