took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
