I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Randomize
