I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
