just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize