I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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