Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
well most of my day revolves around power hour
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
