What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
