:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize