wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
