how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
