I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
