Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
