1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
