I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
