I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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