he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Randomize
