Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize