There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
