I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize