It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
