dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
