My hand turned me down
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
