Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
