well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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