I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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