Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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