Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
