i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
