The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
