i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
