i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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