Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
