she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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