the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Drunk is a universal language darling
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