you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
