they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
