Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
