tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
