Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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