Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
