i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So gin and wine won't be happening again
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
