Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
