If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
