well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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