i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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