Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
