just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
