Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
