dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
