This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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