I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
