What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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