Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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