super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
